Congrats

Just (to be) married!

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle.

What did the uncle say?

"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

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Listen

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”
― Zeno of Citium

A man goes to a psychiatrist.
"Nobody listens to me!"
The doctor says,

"Next!"

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A second opinion

?

A man goes to a psychiatrist.
The doctor says, "You're crazy"
The man says, "I want a second opinion!"

What is the psychiatrist's answer?

"Okay, you're ugly too!"

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